Recovery Milestone/Surrender

October 2nd

I am writing this right after finishing the final few chapters of a book study I’ve been doing with a few of my friends. It’s taken us a couple months to go through the entire book, reading a couple chapters and then discussing the material and our lives each week. We celebrated with some beers and pub food at a spot down the street from my house.

The book is primarily educational and discusses the complexities of unwanted sexual behavior, serving as a guide to navigate toward deeper understanding of our behavior and to find healing through proper living in the contexts of good community and purpose. It's called “Unwanted” and it's by Jay Stinger. 

Currently I am on day 94 of abstinence from Porn, Masturbation, and Orgasm (PMO). Praise God. I have been actively working towards 90 days of sobriety for over 4 years and been wrestling with porn addiction for close to a decade. I feel very much so still in recovery––I assume, like most important things, this will take time. 

Not everyone has the same conviction at the same time but I strongly believe the scripture James 1:15 “Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it has run its course, brings forth death.” I was wasting away. It wasn’t just the time I spent pursuing pleasure,  the more I dissociated from reality the more warped my thinking was in almost every area. I stunted years of growth and development in areas required for healthy life and love because of personal and cultural lies I accepted as truth. 

Through this journey one thing stands out to me––There is nothing to hack. All that is required is to abide with Christ. Seeking a life oriented in every way to understanding His ways and then listening, followed by steadfast obedience. Apart from this we cannot abide. The Holy Trinity will grow to occupy whatever space you give it. We can not afford to withhold anything from its transforming power. Though the sacrifice of personal godship can be a painful process, It is far less painful than the consequences of our own self righteousness––not just for ourselves but for every adjacent soul within our lives. Surrender.

Matthew 16:24-26 (NASB)

Discipleship Is Costly

24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me. 25 For whoever wants to save his [y]life will lose it; but whoever loses his [z]life for My sake will find it. 26 For what good will it do a person if he gains the whole world, but [aa]forfeits his soul? Or what will a person give in exchange for his soul? 

Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB)

28 “Come to Me, all [v]who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find [w]rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is comfortable, and My burden is light.”

The Lord continues to bless me in ways I do not understand. Each time humbling me with His goodness and steadfast love for me.